Sippin' a Smoothie....

And thinking about what I've eaten today. I had a 6 point WW meal for breakfast and it satisfied me until just a few minutes ago. Maybe I need a bigger breakfast? One that doesn't include chocolate?

For my snack, I had a grapple and a Carb Control Smoothie. Nice, very nice.

I met with Bonnie Young last night and had my first pallette knife class. I'm sitting here looking at my rendition of John, my pet rooster. Everyone wants to tough it. And I keep telling them, it's wet. And yet, they touch it. I think that's a great sign. I want my art to be touchable.

I actually feel good today. Normal...not nervous like I have been. Not yet anyway. I think the Irish Festival will do me good. Get away. Let Devi take care of Punkin'. Relax and focus on something else. See some different scenery.

I'm feeling satisfied today. Could be the good breakfast or the satisfaction from painting something that I'm pretty happy with. Either way, it's nice.

I'm still waiting...

I'm still waiting for me to turn myself around. No one can do it but me. And for some reason, I'm just not. Not doing it. Not chosing correcty. I'm rebelling against what I should eat and eating the things that taste good. Some days I do better than others. Yesterday wasn't so bad. Plus, I cleaned the carpets and sweated a ton~!

I'm going to the Irish Festival with Nikki on Thursday. It's going to be a lot of walking. I know it will be good for me!

Panic

I'm having panic attacks. Well, they're not really attacks...it's happening almost all the time. This morning, I'm feeling nervous. I feel like I should turn around any moment and see a bear behind me. I think I'm going to have to go to the doctor. It's been a week and it's not getting any better.

Today I'm really on edge. Eating doesn't help and eating always helps my anxiety. Now what? What do I do when my old ways don't work?

Groundhog Days

I do it over and over again. I don't eat right and I don't exercise. And I know I have to if I want to shed this body and find my real body beneath.

I read something interesting yesterday. It said that keeping a journal is good because if you keep seeing what you continue to do that is hindering you, you'll eventually change it. You'll start to see what the real problem is. I know it is me. I am my problem. My choices are bad. Period.