Some of my earliest memories are of being shy and bashful. I remember holding onto fabric and hiding behind my mother's leg. Curling into a shoulder and burying my face. Hiding behind the couch WITH my mother when someone came to the door of our first house eating bananas dipped in Miracle Whip to keep me quiet. (Yes, I do realize how strange that combo sounds. I was raised by country folk.)
This is a question for all of the parents out there. Do you think it's possible that she made me shy? Because I don't FEEL very shy anymore. I can and do talk to almost anyone. In line at the grocery. Walking past someone in a shop.
My mother is shy. She rarely goes out of her way to speak to someone. She would rather be alone. Is introverted. Not that there's anything wrong with that. That's just her. But it's not really me. Although it used to be.
I think she reinforced my shy behaviors by coddling me, holding me, and sheltering me. At 42, sometimes I still find it easier to go to a funeral with her, because I won't have to make small talk in a situation in which I am very uncomfortable. She will talk to people that she knows and always has the right thing to say in a tough situation. I'd rather lie and not go to the funeral.
So I am shy sometimes...but I don't think that I would have been at all. Did she make me or do we change?
25 comments:
I hate people.... I avoid social situations at all costs and only make small talk when absolutely necessary. I'm polite and friendly when I need to be.
My kids are *NOT* shy and will talk to anyone who talks to them. I do the smile and nod thing, they'll carry on a conversation!
Ditto with leighann.
I had to learn to overcome shyness when I got into the working world. There isn't much advancement unless one acts outgoing.
Well, I think as children we emulate the behaviors of our role models. I see this in my son - sometimes good, sometimes bad.
IF you're not shy now then no. It would seem apparent that her behavior had an effect on you, but as parents that is what we do, good or bad. Now that you are all grown up (mostly;) you formulate your own behaviors.
I can recall being shy when I was younger. Now whenever I am late coming home from the store or someplace, my wife says "You were making friends again weren't you?" She would be right.
I will talk to anyone, anywhere. Neither Mom or Dad were like that so I don't where it came from. Cheers!!
I don't think it was her. I am much more outgoing than my parents, and my wife for that matter.
Thought provoking. My parents had opposite personalities; my father loud and boisterous and bossy, my mother timid and loving, her extreme shyness often mistaken for snobbery.
I didn't get along with my father, but I'm much more like him than I am my mother. Still, I often recognize habits and anxiety in myself that were definitely instilled by my mother's behaviors. Anxiousness crossing busy traffic, and odd carefulness around mixers (the baking kind. They'll cut off your finger, you know)...and nausea at the sight of a soft, yolky egg.
My sister, bold in high school, turned out to be quiet, insecure, and scared, like my mother.
Odd. Interesting.
I'm pretty shy in some situations but not in others. If I go to a party I'm not good at going around and talking to everybody. But, I can talk to strangers in the store or at the mall or just walking down the street.
Of course, I have very limited social skills, so the more formal the setting the worse I do.
You know, Hip Bones, I. . . um. . . don't have an answer for you. I was the EXACT same way that you were as a child sans miracle whip & banana's. I didn't talk. My teacher had to go with me to pick up milk in the milk line in elementary school. I only wanted to be around my mom - who wasn't extroverted, but wasn't shy either.
I played soccer - well, mom made me. And then I got my first "real" job at 18 waiting tables. Both of those activities combined brought me out of my shell. Like you, I'm not really shy anymore in MOST situations.
I'm guessing, though, that most people don't particularly WANT to attend funerals. So, you're not strange with regards to that either.
So, I dunno? ? ? Loads of help I was for sure, huh?
It is probably a combination of both.
I used to be a bit shy when I was younger. Technically I still am a bit I have just learned how to deal with it as I get older.
I also think as you get older you tend to not care as much what other may think of you. Life is short, you can't be everyones piece of cake. You learn to accept yourself as you are. With that comes freedom from the shyness.
Just my opinon.
I am shy, for reasons of this thing about remembering peoples names. I dont know why. I can remember all sorts of useless and very technical BS, yet I draw a blank with people that I have worked with for years. That has caused me to be shy when i know that it would help me so much more if I could just remember peoples names. I hate that! But once I get past that, then i am like an open book, NOTHING is sacred, I will tell you all you want.
Now my wife is as bold as an army mule. She will go up to people and ask the things that most only think about. "How did you loose your leg?" would be her first comment if she met a guy with only one leg.
When we are out she starts the ball rolling, but I will take over after a while.
I don't think sheltering someone makes them shy. You may have inherited some learned behaviors from your mother, but normally as an adult you develop a personality of your own.
i think we are all a product to some degree of our environment, but at a certain point, we shape our own destinys.
Tabula Rasa...people are clean of any inherent thoughts or behaviors; I do not know how true this view is, nevertheless parental mannerisms have profound effects in the early years. In many ways we are copies of our parents, tempered by the realization of them as flawed, and the inevitable self inquisition into our individualism.
--peace
--stupor
As we grow up, we grow into who we are.
tough question...my parents are more out going than me but I am no wall flower
My mother is extroverted. I am not. While I am no longer shy...I am rather anti-social. I used to hate going into a social setting with my mother.
My kids are complete opposits. I have one that will talk to anyone, including a wrong number, people in the grocery store line, and just about anyone that will glance her way. The other one would not talk to anyone but an immediate family member until she was 4. She is still shy, but woking on it.
My mom is very outgoing. I'll strike up a conversations with just about anyone. My wife is quite shy. Our two boys, one shy and the other very etraverted.
What does it all mean? Luck of the draw?
My mom was and is shy. We were(are) very close, she TOLD me as young as I can remember that I was,"Just like me." We did everything together. I was reserved as a youngster, teen, but hated her defining me. Got into acting, public speaking,only then did she accept that I was NOT "just like..." her. I made the effort, could have gone either way.
(I had a relative that tried to make me KISS the dead in their coffins! UGH)
I'm not a people person, though when I get to know you I can talk or type your ears off so to speak. My mother is the opposite. However we do learn a certain amount of behavior from our parents..it could really go either way.
people change.
I used to be a very, very social person up until about 5-6 years ago. I am 38 yo.
These days, I prefer to stay at home and avoid social situations. I am not sure why.....
I used to wonder if my Mother made me shy because she was always so social and pushed me into uncomfortable situations where I would have to talk to or work with total strangers all the time. I think we all have our natural likes and dislikes of social situations. There are some areas where I feel totally comfortable like small groups over coffee, and others like party chit chat where I would rather fade into the wall... Nature or nurture I couldn't say though.
no. My mom was outgoing and confident and to this day I'm still th' polar opposite. 'course, *I* was adopted, so all bets are off.
personally, i think we have the right & ability to morph.
hell, be who you is...and dance with the one who brought ya.
i agree w/ tequila mockingbird... but i also believe in fate.
i think ppl can change w/ time and w/ the environment around them. i'm like you in that i'd lie and not go because i'm not a real big ppl person.
and w/ talking to ppl... i consider myself shy but i can still speak to others if put in a situation. having a baby helps as well because you get a lot of ppl bringing up conversations about the baby.
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