Wednesday, September 21, 2005

The Great Provider...

It worries me. What if something happened to me? What would she do? Would she then decide that it's time to buck up and "work for someone else" which she say's she "can't" do?

If I died tomorrow, could she pay the rent, the electric bills, etc? It's about $1,500 a month and it's tough to do. I would hope that she could.

It's hard being the provider. The one where the buck stops. It's hard being the one that has to go to a hellish job so someone else can live their dream.

When will it be my turn? When will it be my turn to "not have a boss"? Because frankly, I hate it too. I hate having to show up on time every day and do things that are so boring that it makes my brain feel like it's dying on the spot. I hate working for people that think I do nothing all day. i hate not living my dream, but frankly, I can't afford to live my dream because I'm funding someone else's.

I waited entirely too long to stop her from using my credit cards. She pays nothing. She remembers none of the times she needed money to get DDC supplies, or when we started the business and I put the first two months rent on my credit card. Stupid. But stupid is done. That will not happen ever again. I will slit my own throat before I make that mistake again.

What will she do when it's time for retirement? What will she do when her parents can't retire and need her help? What will she do when Rosie needs money for college?

What will she do when I'm not here anymore?

2 comments:

Mise en Place said...

Some very good questions. Why is it that it's you to do all these things? When will it be your turn? What will she do?

Honey goes to the "hellish" job everyday for me. So I can live my dream, being a stay at home Mom. When WILL it be his turn? He is only doing what he's doing because he has to? I mean with 2 kids and all. Did he some how get sucked into MY dream? I don't feel like that is so and I'm very careful to be sure and let him know how much I love and appreciate him.

Could that be what is missing for you?

Thanks so much for the wonderful insight and great food for thought.

V.

Susan said...

I am not sure who you are referring too. Maybe it is time to stand your grounds an ask that she as you refer this person to help out.

Tell her you have hopes and dreams as well and would like to pursue them too and would she being willing to help you achieve them.