I'm doing good for breakfast and lunch and totally losing my focus at dinner. What is it about dinner that is so important to me? Dinner is about unwinding and letting go for me. And I'm doing it with food. I guess some people do it with alcohol. Some people do it with conversation. Some people meditate. I'm going to have to learn another way.
Like night before last, I was so relaxed after painting that I thought, I'll just skip dinner. Then I remembered that I had to go to my mother's for dinner and it was a late dinner. I pigged out. Ugly, it was.
It's like my brain freezes at dinner and I don't pay any attention to what I'm doing. I just eat and enjoy. It's got to stop. Every day I have a new chance to do it right. And I've not managed it for some time now. Tonight is a new opportunity. It's like when I'm alone, I have much more control. With other people around, I just give in and eat what they're eating.
I need a plan. I know that we're having BBQ tonight. And it doesn't have to be a bad thing. I can have a small portion of BBQ and fill the rest of my plate with veggies. No big deal. And I need to SLOW DOWN! I eat way too fast. Like it will dispel my feelings if I can get the food down. And it does. That's the real problem. This is working for me. I've got to find another way.
I'll try a new way tonight. I have to. I'm killing myself.
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