I Like Butch Girls And I Cannot Lie

From the International Herald Tribune: This is Yvonne Buschbaum, a German track and field athlete who took sixth place in the women's pole vault at the 2000 Sydney Olympics. Buschbaum announced this week that she is retiring from track and field and that she will become a man.

"I feel as if I am a man and have to live my life in the body of a woman," Buschbaum said in a statement on her Web site. (The statement has been translated from German to English.) "I am aware of the fact that transsexuality is a fringe issue, and I do not want to be responsible for it remaining on the fringe." Although gender reassignment will likely involve Buschbaum taking hormones that are on the World Anti-Doping Agency's list of banned substances, Buschbaum says she has not taken any performance-enhancing drugs during her athletic career. "I do not dope," she said, adding that her "upcoming hormone treatment" contributed to her decision to quit, as did a persistent injury.

When I read the story above, I wondered, "Would I stay with my woman if she had gender reassignment surgery?"

Honestly, I would. She would still be her, just with different toys attached.

Does it turn me on a little bit? Yep.

Would I still be a lesbian? I'm not sure.

If She Only Had Hands

The Thursday before Christmas, I arrive home to a gigantic package on the front porch. My Ex the Redneck and I used to have a Dog Store and Doggy Day Care. I recognized the box as a Bowsers Dog Bed or probably just the insert since Trace already has all the covers that she needs.

I drag the big assed 6' tall box into the house where my girl and the doggies are relaxing. We unpack it and stuff it inside Trace's old cover that still looks brand new after 8 years. (Honestly, if you need a dog bed...I cannot recommend them highly enough!)

Trace is thrilled. I am not.

I have told her not to contact me. She insists on driving an HOUR from her new home to get her hair cut at the same place I do, to go to the same chiropractor, doctor, etc. in hopes of running into me.

She thinks that it's a shame that we are throwing away 10 years together.

Is there any hope of us ever getting back together? None. Hell freezing over scenario.

How about being friends? Never.

After being treated like a princess for the last 18 months, I just can't see the point. Why would I allow My Ex the Redneck back into my life after 10 years of being hit, screamed at, held at knifepoint and generally abused? Thank you, I think I've had enough. I'm slow, granted it took me ten years, but I've finally learned.

I'm sure she was hoping that I would call her and thank her for the thoughtful gift.

Did Trace need a new bed? Yes, she did. Is Trace grateful? Yes, and I'm sure she'd call if she only had hands.

Score One For Mom

My mother is the typical Cookie-Baking, Clean House, June Cleaver of a mom. She's sweet, tries to do good, doesn't fib, goes to church every Sunday.

She just told me that My Ex The Redneck called Christmas Day and wanted her to tell everyone that was at my mom's house hello for her. This would be my mom's two sisters, their children, etc. People that she knew for the 10 years we were together. My family. Not hers.

She looks at me sideways from her office and smiles. She didn't do it.

"That wasn't very nice of me was it?"

I just raised my eyebrows.

She lied. She told My Ex The Redneck that she would. She didn't do it.

I'll not be saving her a seat on the front row of Hell. She has no clue how to be bad.

I'm Needing Some Cold Meds...

Because I have a cold and wicked gas at the same time. Sneezing just isn't safe right now.

Happy Holidays Ya'll!

Today's my last day at the office until next Wednesday, so I wanted to leave you all with a little holiday cheer. I know that I neglect the ladies, so here. Drool all over your monitors! Poor ol' Santa looks tired doesn't he? Who wants a special delivery? ;)



I could never leave my menfolk out. They need a little eye candy, too! Personally, I think she looks a little warm. She should take off that satiny top.

And what's she blowing at? Anybody got a clue? Is she picking nits off of her skirt?

Happy Holidays and Merry Christmas!

The Good Ol' Days

Sitting around doing nothing the other afternoon, the phone rings. It's the little girl that I know.

Me: Hi Sweetie, what's going on?

9 yr. old: Not much, just going to school and stuff.

*notice lack of segue here

9 yr. old: Remember when we went out for our girly day and you said you MIGHT give me a pedicure for my birthday (which was three weeks ago and I got her something else.)

Me: Mmm hmmm.

9 yr. old: When can we do that?

Wow, now there's a close. Did I just buy a time share?

Me: I'm not busy Wednesday, would you like to go with me then?

Of course, then I have to get on the phone with her Mom to work out the details. Apparently, the kid's schedule is too full to do it when I can.

When did 9 year olds get so busy?

At 9, my biggest worry was whether or not my red transistor radio battery was good or not. I'd ride my pink bike with the psychedelic banana seat from the time I got home until dark listening to 103.5 FM. Eat dinner. Do some homework. Scouts on Tuesday. That's about it. Of course, I had chores and we did stuff, but we weren't on the go every night of the week. And needles for the record player...THAT was important.

When did keeping kids constantly entertained/busy/amused become such a priority?


P.S. Yeah, I know, I'm bitchy lately. Deal with it. I've not gotten any this week! At least I gave you all a little eye candy up top. It's something.

Time to Bitch

I know it's easier for you. You say I'm "hard" to buy for. Screw that. If you don't know me well enough to pick out something that I'd like, just let it go. Let's stop the gift exchange that's gone on too long. Same for money in a little envelope.

I despise gift cards. It's like giving me money that I have to spend at the store YOU want me to go to. I usually just end up giving them away. There should be a swap meet for those cards. So you could trade 'em off for someplace you do like to shop.

If you don't know me well enough to give me a real gift, perhaps we should just go to dinner and drink some wine. Then you'll at least know I that like good wine.

P.S. Thanks to Dana, I did my research and found this site: http://certificateswap.com/

Dreams DO Come True

Last night, I'm in bed first and my girl is wandering around naked doing before bed butch stuff. She wanders in front of me.

Me: Why don't you do a little titty dance for me? You know, shake 'em for me a little bit? Put 'em in my face.

You already know this NEVER works. Doesn't work for most men. Doesn't work for me. I have no clue why I keep asking. Probably because she always just laughs, rolls her eyes and continues on doing what she's doing...naked.

She turns the lights out. I close my eyes and wait for her to snuggle into bed.

FLAP. FLAP-A-FLAPPA-FLAP. FLAP. FLAP-FLAP-FLAP. FLAP-FLAP.

I am BOMBARDED by boobs. They're everywhere! In my face, smacking me in the eye, whapping against my ears.

We both started laughing and that's the last thing I remember before drifting off to sleep. Boobs and laughter.

What a great night! I'm still smiling!

Since I Am Wordless...

and it's not even Wednesday, I give you someone who makes me laugh damn near every time I read her, Crystal from Boobs, Injuries and Dr. Pepper and the antics of her dog, Dusty.

Check out Sneaking Around, her latest post.

Or if you're not yet in the holiday spirit...check out Biscuit in all of her splendor! You'll not even need any jelly for this one! ;)

I think it's the impending doom of a mammogram this afternoon at 2:45pm that's stolen my words. Anybody wanna come along and hold my hand?

G-man Is The Shit!

Yesterday, upon arriving home, a huge package was leaned against the wall on the porch. No attempt to hide it. Mr. FedEx obviously has no snowman magic.

I knew that I had some kind of photo coming from G-man. He didn't explain what it was...just said to keep an eye out for a package. This is my booty from the Pay It Forward Game we played a while back. He let me play since he only had four people take him up on the challenge.

Opening it, I find this lovely adornment for my walls:


First off, the photo is gorgeous! It's a cool, misty morning on a river with perfect reflections of the trees in the water. But that's not the coolest part. It's hard to tell from my crappy photo of it, but it's comprised of small squares and that give the photo a really cool dimensional look.

I saw it and I knew where it had to go. The guest bath is precisely THAT color of green in his photo. It looks AMAZING in there!

Thanks G-man! You are the shit! I'll play Reindeer Games with you ANYTIME!

Hiding Boxes 102: Grade D-

I'm not sure what goes on at the UPS Training Centers, but apparently there's a class called Hiding Boxes 101. I think my guy passed that one. Because sometimes, there's a thin package under my front door mat or it's slipped in between the front door and the screen door. But the advanced course either wasn't available or he didn't need it to graduate to UPS Dude with Truck.

Here's what I found upon arriving at my home yesterday:



Look more closely and you'll see the problem:


If he's trying to hide my box, apparently there are issues with people stealing boxes from front porches. Unless they are trying to find my box from an aerial view, Mr. UPS' plan isn't going to work.

Now perhaps I've watched too much David Blaine and Criss Angel, but for me, there is no magic here. Especially when it's containing about $100 worth of Tassimo Starbucks T-disks to use with my Cappucino Foaming Creamer. A little sugar/cinnamon on top and I've kicked my FourBucks habit.

Does anyone here have a problem seeing the huge box with a snowman rug covering the top. Or am I just incredibly clever?

Do You Want to Hear What I Try To Say?

Dana's Sunday Secret got me to thinking.

"I'd rather hear my husband say, "You are beautiful" than hear him say, "I love you," but he has never said those words ...

I tell my girl daily how fantastic she is. In bed, I scream, "Oh GOD!" even though she says I can just call her by her name. I tell her I love her. That she's the best girlfriend that I've ever had on every level. That she's phenomenal in bed. I rave over her cooking/grilling. I appreciate what she does around the house. I adore the flowers she brings home to me.

But are those the things that SHE wants to hear?

They are the things that I'd like to hear, so I assume that's what she wants. But Dana made me wonder.

Do you know what your husband/wife/partner/lover/girlfriend wants to hear?

Because I want her to know. I want her to be totally aware that I think she's the cats meow.

But what if she's secretly wanting to hear something that's never occurred to me to say?

Do you get to hear what you want to? Because, like Dana...I don't always.

Ocean's Depths Dichroic Bracelet in .925 Silver

Dichroic glass was developed by Nasa and transmits one color while reflecting another. Here's a little info from Kincaid Designs for the geeks:

A glass which contains ultra-thin layers of aluminum, chromium, silicon, zirconium or the metal alloy titanium. The colors are almost holographic in appearance. Metallic oxides are bonded to the glass using an electron bombarder inside a vacuum chamber under strict laboratory conditions. Once the coating has adhered to the glass, it is fired in a kiln to make it permanent. The angle of the glass within the vacuum chamber determines the color. In actuality, there is no color produced. What you are seeing is pure light manipulation at it's finest.The appearance will be different depending on whether the light is reflected or transmitted.

As requested by Doggy, here's a pic of the only Dichroic Bracelet I've ever made. I've never put this one up for sale, since I thought it was lovely and I might not make another. But time has come to get back to the kiln.

It's comprised of eleven dichroic cabachons (about the size of a woman's pinky print) on a .925 silver bracelet. Brand new, never worn...only admired from afar and going for half-price at $75.



Thank you all for your kind words. You'll never know how much you've inspired and motivated me. I actually WANT to get back to my big, hot kiln. This hasn't happened in a long time. I've associated it with a difficult time in my life. No need to avoid the kiln any longer. It's not the kiln's fault. And it does bring me such joy. I love working with glass!

I'll put up pics of the remainder of my inventory soon in case anyone is interested in getting their holiday shopping done without leaving their easy chair.

Honestly now folks....

What do you think of the art below?

It's a pic of one of my jewelry pieces...dichroic glass on a silver bail. The colors are blues, blacks and golds. It's been fired to over 1500 degrees in my kiln, shaped, refired, reshaped and annealed overnight.



Are you reading anything that I'm writing or are you just looking at my beautiful piece of jewelry?

It's pretty, huh?

Wondering about the model yet? It's my favorite jewelry model, Dana from Amid Life's Crises. She's also my only jewelry model! Head on over to her blog to find out just how tough her titties are!

Thanks, Dana!

Birth Control Glasses

My girl and I needed new glasses. My old ones were from 10ish years ago, since I only use them to watch TV at night. I tried on damn near every pair in the store. They all looked like hell. I guess I'm stuck in 1983, the year that I graduated high school. In 1983, I would not have been caught DEAD in these glasses. We would have called them Birth Control Glasses.

But nowadays, I see all the hip folks in them and since it's just going to be me and the TV mostly, what harm could come?

At the store, my girl thought they looked adequate. She made no big deal. The saleslady was easily 10 years older than me and stuck in 1973. I could tell she didn't really care for them. But I kinda liked them, so I ordered them.

As you may remember, I owed my girl a night on the town for the Christmas lights.

Friday night, I got all dolled up. Curled my hair. Deep kohl liner on the eyes. Glossed my lips. Big oval hoop earrings.

And put my new glasses.

My girl comes home. As she turns the corner, her eyebrows raise. She thinks they make me look like a school girl!

We had a fantastic dinner at Sperry's in Cool Springs. (Dana, the Maytag Stuffed Filet was wonderful!) They have a wonderfully fresh salad bar and we shared mushrooms and a twice baked potato with a lovely bottle of Cab/Merlot

I took her out to hear a little music and we got our groove on at The Lipstick Lounge.

When we got home, we played Professor and Naughty School Girl. I got extra credit.

She put up more Christmas lights over the weekend. Coincidence? I think not.

Under The Weather

Instead of under my girlfriend. Pisses me off that I've got the bad belly, but what's a girl to do?

I'll be back. Just wanted to say "Hi Ya'll" and if I haven't been by to say "Hey" it's because I've got the funk.

Here's a little somethin' to make ya'll smile....



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