Dana's Sunday Secret got me to thinking.
"I'd rather hear my husband say, "You are beautiful" than hear him say, "I love you," but he has never said those words ...
I tell my girl daily how fantastic she is. In bed, I scream, "Oh GOD!" even though she says I can just call her by her name. I tell her I love her. That she's the best girlfriend that I've ever had on every level. That she's phenomenal in bed. I rave over her cooking/grilling. I appreciate what she does around the house. I adore the flowers she brings home to me.
But are those the things that SHE wants to hear?
They are the things that I'd like to hear, so I assume that's what she wants. But Dana made me wonder.
Do you know what your husband/wife/partner/lover/girlfriend wants to hear?
Because I want her to know. I want her to be totally aware that I think she's the cats meow.
But what if she's secretly wanting to hear something that's never occurred to me to say?
Do you get to hear what you want to? Because, like Dana...I don't always.
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24 comments:
I think it's too easy to get caught up in routine and, perhaps, not listen to what our partners are asking for or saying.
I can honestly say that I MOSTLY hear the things I want. I can also say that it's devestating when you think you're going to hear one thing, and something totally off comes out instead.
Seamus is right, we get caught up in routine and get comfortable that we're doing "the right thing".
That's so crazy. Big T and me just had a come to Jesus meeting about how, after only 2 months of wedded bliss, I was NOT getting what I needed and was ready to bail on the whole damn thing.
He said the best and most loving thing I could have ever said to him was, "If you'd just pay attention to me and fuck me like you should, we'd be just fine."
I honestly thought I was being too needy and was pressuring him, so I kept quiet and eventually broke bitch on his ass.
The only way to know what your partner wants is to take the time talk and find out.
Thanks for checkin out my bull-caca. Turns out we're neighbors!! Howdy Nashville! Love Knoxville!
love and praise are the things i love to hear
praise is not what i meant to say lol
love and appreciation, we all love to hear this, but yes talking to each other to find out what we would like to hear is a must
Sometimes we hear the same things over and over and then start to question the sincerity of those words. Maybe it's just insecurity. But, then we forget that maybe our partners have the same insecurity and don't hear the words they really want to hear.
I guess we could, like communicate, and shit and work that our or something. ;-)
I'm thinking that maybe what I should start saying to hubby are the things he says to me! I think you hit the nail on the head when you said, "They are the things that I'd like to hear, so I assume that's what she wants."
My husband tells me all the time that he thinks I'm beautiful and to be honest, it's not something I need to hear it. Looks are an accident. They have nothing to do with the person. I would so much rather someone tell me that they like ME than that they like the way I look. And I know to some that sounds bizarre, considering the nekkid pictures and all ;)
So, that's what I want. I want to hear that I'm groovy!
yah i dont always hear what i want.. but i live with it.
I think I want to hear one person say that I was the most important person in their life, just once. If I could hear that, I think I could die happy :)
There are things I want to hear but I will not say to her. She will think I am odd. I love to be told she love me.
Many things I don't say...maybe it is to erotic for her and she will think I am a freak.
Turning the coin...Do I say to her things she want to hear? I don't know maybe she holds back like me and keeps her secrets as I do.
maybe I should write her a love letter, like before she moved in with me. She has me now and my words may not move her as they did before.
I don't want to sound narcissistic or anything, but I get told that I'm pretty or beautiful all the time.
I want to hear that I'm smart.
That I'm a good mom.
That my kids and my girl appreciate the things I do for them.
Oh ... and that I'm right. Always.
Okay, okay, I know I can't have that last one, but I can dream, right?
Unfortunately I never ever do. My partner is a good guy, just non-expressive. I compensate by showering all my attention on the pets, who show unconditional love in return
Seamus: I think you're right. It's easy to get in the rut and say, "I love you" without varying the theme so to speak.
Leighann: Yep, expectations can make you crazy. I always wonder if how I think she feels is really HOW she feels.
Divalicious: Amen Sister on the talking!
Katy: I think appreciation is HUGE!
Jay: Let's communicate and shit. Excellent plan! ;)
Dana: I agree. Give it to him!
Biscuit: Girl, I think you are TOTALLY groovy!
Jay II: Get with Jay I's plan
Mistress: I think that will happen someday. Have faith.
Spiky: Oh please let us read it!!!!
Kelly: You're right! ;) There...happy?
Palm: There is nothing quite like the love of an animal! I can't imagine my life without my rottie girl.
I always tell Schmoop that not only do I love her, but she is also my best friend. Cheers!!
Very provocative and insightful RLL. I believe that I fall victim to saying what I want to hear, but I do occasionally tell her that she is beautiful, especially when she is down on herself for her weight. I make sure to tell her "I love the shit out of you honey" which usually makes her smile.
Matt: That's some sweet stuff right there. Mine is my best friend, too.
G-man: Why, thank you. I do try to be insightful and provocative!;) THAT made me smile, too! Great line!
I don't like to be told I am beautiful, but I do need to hear him tell me he loves me.
I wish he would say he understood me though...in the way I need him to. He just doesn't understand.
In order to say what they want to hear, we've got to hear what they want said. And the only way to do that is to tell one another what it is.... ;-)
Peace
It's difficult isn't it?? I try the "Do unto others" approach, but my husband is not really the hearts and flowers person (which is fine) but at least open up and try to listen to the clues... He gets it sometimes, other times I wonder if he gives a damn... But I guess like someone said above, partners/couples it's always difficult. We're works in progress.
It's hard to do all the work sometimes if you can't get some inspiration in return!
Clueless maybe? I always try to be upfront and let him know what I need and if at all possible without trying to 'nag' but that seems to be how men take everything as "nagging"... lol
This is where communication is important...
Just say it.. ;-)
I know I know.. sounds simple.. probably why I'm single... lol
Jebus Christ. Now I have to worry about THAT?!
Such a beautiful and thought provoking post. I compliment my beautiful wife as often as I can. Now I just hope she's hearing what she wants to hear.
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