A friend of mine recently mentioned on her blog that lesbian Suze Orman always has this huge smile on her face. Her boyfriend commented that maybe all that girl on girl action is why she always seems so happy.
Frankly, it kind of irked me. (Yes, I AM perimenopausal and my hormones rage on occasion and this was one of those times. Now back to my scheduled rant~) As if lesbians are some sort of privileged folks lying around eating peeled grapes, while being fanned with palm fronds until their next hot, sexual escapade.
It reminded me of a recent trip to the gay church that I frequent. We saw a snippet from a film titled Gods and Gays. One woman tells the story of when her daughter came out to her. She told her daughter that she would rather she be dead than gay. Sadly, her daughter did just that...she killed herself. Hearing this took my breath away. It amazes me that people will throw away their children/family/parents over this.
She killed herself. A very permanent solution to a temporary problem some folks say. But when you're in it, it is hellish.
No longer was this situation sad for the daughter and mother, but for the entire collection of folks who loved her. Her mother has gone on to become a gay advocate. Wonderful, but too late for her own daughter.
I'm lucky. My parents know that I'm gay and have always welcomed whomever I brought home.
My partner's father has been told, her mother hasn't. This WILL make for an interesting Thanksgiving. But both of our families are very accepting of our "friends." And that's how they consider us. Friends.
Think of all the times you have gone to your mother or father with questions about relationships, heartbreak, sex, etc and gotten advice. I have never gotten to do that. Not once. It makes my mother sick to think about it.
I don't get to hold my girl's hand in public or kiss her on the cheek at Christmas at the family's when she gives me JUST EXACTLY what I want. I can't marry her. She can't make decisions for my health unless we do an assload of paperwork. We risk hate crimes if we go to a bar in the South (or really anywhere) just so we can be ourselves.
We're happy anyway, but it makes me sad.
If you get the chance to watch the movie, please do so. It's very entertaining and will enlighten you even if you're already enlightened.
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25 comments:
That will be a more interesting Thanksgiving than I will have. Good day to you! :D
I told my husband that WHEN (not IF) one of our kids "comes out" to us (afterall, there are 4 of them, the chances are good!) I'm going to be like Debbie from Queer As Folk BAHAHAHAHA!
Roger: As long as her mother doesn't corner and interrogate me...it'll be considered a success.
Leighann: I KNEW I liked you!!! I'll buy you your first rainbow flag!
That was a great post. i watched the snippet of the movie and it breaks my heart - especially that part where there's that small toddler there at the picketline. but i also loved that line: "Let us get married so we'll stop marrying you". cracked me up.
One of my very best friends is in a relationship similar to that - she's out, her gf is not - her parent's know and are cool, but no one else knows. It makes me sad that they can't be as happy as B-rad and i are.
but the world changes everyday, and i'll continue to keep hoping for change for her... and for you.
Diva: Thanks~ I LOVED that line, too. AND WE WOULD! ; )
I consider myself fairly enlightened but I believe we can all be further enlightened so I'll watch that movie sometime.
The argument against gay marriage is biggest losing argument ever. Seriously, even the people opposed to gay marriage seem to know that they are on the losing end. It's just such a long and slow process.
This is a very powerful post. I don't know what more can be said than I admire your sterngth and courage....because that is what you have and use daily to live a lifestyle you have every right to live in my book.
I don't know where/how love will find my children but I will support them in any choice, same thing wih the military...not sure how their daddy will take either though.
Thank you! That was a beautiful post. I've often been amazed by the fact that (generally) society is so interested in the bedroom activities of gays and lesbians, but could really care less about what happens in the bedroom of heterosexual couples. Why is that? How could people possibly think that being gay/lesbian is a choice? Who in their right mind would make that choice knowing the challenges they face in doing so?
All three of our children (11, 13 and 19) have been raised knowing that their sexual orientation in no way dictates how, or how much, we love them. We talk about sexual orientation just as we talk about college choices, extra-curricular activities and all of the other "normal" stuff parents talk to their kids about. I can only hope that we've done enough, and continue to do enough, so that our children never have to hide whom they love - at least not in our home.
I admire your integrity in your relationship RLL. Some of us have spent our lives "hiding" our sexual orientation and making the choices that society expects instead of the choices our heart's desire.
Chances are I'll have a gay child too (I have 4 as well). I would also think of myself as enlightened, but only so far as I know a bunch of gay people, not anyone I loved like a child. I think the difference would be in that I would want to be more protective of my child from the cruel that exists in the world.
Your union must be great if all you do eat grapes and get laid. Is there a local union rep I can call ?;) Besides he is a guy and speaking as a representative of guys in general, that is the track our minds are on 90% of the time. (rarely on the 'big picture')
I know that one day I may be personally responsible for offending you or others because of a flippant remark intended to amuse but perceived differently. I will apologize in advance. (and I'm sure repeatedly afterwards)
Dana: I'm amazed how many people TALK about this with their children. I was called a Lezzie in 4th grade and didn't have the foggiest IDEA what it meant.
Thanks, I've been lucky that it's not been that hard for me. I have a great family that just rolls with it (even though we don't talk about it.)
G-man: I would imagine that it would be hard to have a gay child for the same reasons that you mentioned. Especially a gay son. They have it so much harder in my experience.
Yes, our union DOES rock! (wink)
Worry not about your flippant remarks. I truly am rarely offended. I would always prefer to laugh with you than be pissy. That remark just caught me in a menopausal-moment and I took advantage of it to talk about the Gods and Gays stuff.
I hate that the world is like this when it comes to gay people. I'm one of those the glass is half full people, but what happened to that girl is very sad and discouraging.
I have a different problem. My family thinks I am gay. When I tell them that I am not, they laugh and say, "Oh sorry, it was your lack of success with the ladies that threw us off." Cheers!!
Cap'n: So am I. You'll rarely ever find me pissy or in a bad mood...or serious for that matter. And yes, it is incredibly sad to me. Especially since it was almost me. I'll have to tell that story another time.
Matt: That coupled with the fact that you're so SWEET lately!!! I bet you have had plenty of luck with the ladies!
What a shame that people are sooo stupid.....
Peace
I would love my son the same no matter what, I say that now and he is only nine but I do believe in my deepest feelings that I will accept him.
Odat: So true.
Doggy: That is so touching. My Daddy said the exact same thing. You are an amazing Dad! I could just hug you!
I am sad, too - it's not fair that there is still such judgement in our society. Why judge people for love? It's the silliest thing EVER. Love is love is LOVE.
If my daughter is gay - and comes out to me, I will love her just the same. And she will be able to ask me ANYTHING, just like she does now.
I always liked the answer the dumb blonde gave in the joke; "Do you know the difference between ignorance and apathy?" She answers "I don't know and I don't care". :) I am a huge fan of live and let live. Minding my own business works pretty good. Bon chance at Thanksgiving!
I have a cousin who recently came out to her parents and really didn't get a very supportive reception. Fortunately, Yo Momma (or should I say my Mama?) has been really supportive of her and almost a surrogate mother. She even met my cousin's girlfriend. In fact, Yo Momma has been so supportive to her I wonder if she's not disappointed that her own three all ended up straight and boring.
If only the world can accept the fact that only "You" can choose who you love and what is done in the bedroom is no one's business but the 2 people doing it, the world would be a better place.
~sigh~
I can't comprehend a parent throwing their child away because of sexual orientation.
I've never understood how family or friends (or strangers for that matter) could become invested in a person's sexual orientation to the extent that it ruins their relationship or worse. I look forward to the day when we (or the next generation, God forbid it should take that long) can look back and be baffled about why it took so much fucking time to have true equality (marriage and benefits of course, but mostly NOT GIVING A RIP WHO YOUR NEIGHBOR LOVES).
Sorry. My caps seem to get locked from time to time :)
Tigger: Right there is a great Mom! I wish mine were just like YOU!
Buffalo: I LOVE that! Thanks for the good luck at Thanksgiving! I just may need it!
Michelle: Never would I call your family boring after reading the adventures on your blog! Yo Momma is just enjoying the new flavor! But the real question is...what does Gram say? She cracks me UP!
Mistress: Amen, girl. I can't understand that either. After raising a child and knowing them...finding one thing that would make you stop? Baffling.
Melissa: I'm amazed how many leaps our society has already in this arena. In my lifetime it's gone from 0 tolerance to at least some in my parents and 100% tolerance in the younger generations. To me, that's pretty amazing. And I'm waiting on that day, too. I hope I get to see it. Oh, and my caps do that too occasionally.
Have a good weekend Real!
Gads! Love them, nurture them, cherish them, then toss them out of your life because they have the audacity to trust you?!
I will never be able to truly fathom the depths of idiocy in some people. *boggle*
Who cares, as long as you are happy, right? I tell my kids that as long as they are happy and not hurting themselves or others, I don't care what they do or what labels they attach to themselves.
I hope your Thanksgiving is as relaxing as an hours-long family event can be. *smile*
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